A Little Help
I don't want to go, sir, I`m too young to die,
I'd much rather stay in my bed.
I'm feeling quite poorly, I can't do my job,
Please send for my room-mate instead.
It's all right for you, sir, you always come back,
You're signed till the end of the season.
I'm only signed up for a week at a time,
I'm staying up here for good reason.
I know that my name's at the top of your list,
I ought to obey to the letter.
I joined up with Starfleet to seek out new life,
But now that I'm here I know better.
I know what will happen if I join your team,
Please let me stay here and survive!
We'll beam to the planet a party of six
You'll beam back a party of five!
We'll beam down together, command crew and I,
And then, if the planet looks strange,
Just as a precaution you'll leave me on guard,
And quickly move well out of range
You'll find gorgeous women, and great new machines.
Dilithium mines will appear.
You'll solve all their problems and teach them your ways,
And I'll find a bullet or spear.
Perhaps I'll get dropped down a bottomless pit,
Perhaps I'll get zapped by a Horta,
Perhaps I'll disintegrate when we beam down,
If glitches affect the transporter.
Perhaps I'll be killed in the Wink of an Eye,
Perhaps I'll just age eighty years,
Perhaps I'll encounter a bloodsucking cloud,
Or great hairy ape men with spears
Perhaps I'll be changed to a crystalline block,
Or murdered by Kodos`s daughter,
Perhaps all the salt will be taken from me,
Or Klingons will join in the slaughter.
Perhaps a computer will cause my demise,
Perhaps my own fears will destroy me,
Perhaps I`ll be killed by a holograms touch,
Or Redjac will want to enjoy me.
I'd rather stay here on the Enterprise, sir,
Please find someone else for your trip.
I know it's exciting exploring new worlds,
But please let me stay on the ship.
You won't change your mind, sir? It`s me that you want?
You won't take my room-mate instead?
I hear and obey, sir, but let me get changed.
I'm not going down wearing red.